Let’s make sure we don’t just go back to the way things were

Stop…

Notice and use it!

Do you ever stop and take another look at things? No really stop and stand back, pull in a different perspective, maybe take things in and weigh things up afresh.

Not surprisingly at the moment, with everything going on I’ve seen a lot in the last few weeks on how people are coping; how to build resilience, in fact are people even ready to think about resilience? But a couple of conversations have inspired me not only to think deeper, but also to share with you and see where it takes you.

Earlier in the week I was talking to my friend Rob, and as usual we were sharing thoughts and how we were finding family and work life at the moment. From DIY jobs long overdue now started, to the reality of not going out and keeping risks low. Turns out we both had a very different take on my husband going to work as normal as a fireman. This part of the conversation really stopped me in my tracks, as to me it’s been his job for 27 years and a chance for Scott to get out of the house and experience some normality. While Rob saw this key worker role as heroic and years of putting himself at risk, only made harder by everything we are living through. How immune to risk had my normal become?

Then at the end of last week in conversation with a client, remaining nameless for obvious confidential reasons, we were having a very open and frank discussion about difficult working relationships and unhealthy behaviors within a team. We shared how hard it is to start such critical conversations essential to build and help the team, especially when everyone is ‘raw’ and struggling personally? Plus, we are seeing firsthand that everyone is finding things tough, while we don’t have time to waste, because responsiveness and pace of decision making and mobilisation are essential right now. Surely this needs to be the leveler and the door to open things up; put simply no one thinks things are working well enough right now; we need to think and respond differently. So, why not get into with the team what we find difficult and need to change! Would that not be a relief to start a conversation which genuinely acknowledges what is going on, then see how we build things from there?

Exploring what we are finding tough and making sure we don’t just mark time until the crisis level comes down and we “get back to BAU”. We are having to reach out and talk to people in new ways, get things moving and happening in days not months which could give opportunity for growth beyond the simplest notion of recovery.

Then, on what I thought was a completely separate note yesterday morning, we woke up on a blustery bank holiday to find half of the fence on our driveway more on next doors property than it should be. While making it safe, we got talking about future home improvements and then later in the day to our wistful thinking and flight of fancy lottery conversation – you know the one where you win just enough money to do all the things you would like to but not change our lives completely!?!

Most of the things on our list were the same by the time we had remodeled some of the house and fully landscaped the garden, including my new garden office and client entrance as lottery win or not, I couldn’t stop doing what I do because I love it. But in a quite moment last night as I took one last walk around the garden in the dusk, it brought all of these thoughts together and led me to write this article.

I’ve never realised until now, in this isolation and prolonged period of social distancing, just how bad I am at relaxing, and actually what I mean by relaxing and easing back. I’ve been like a fish out of water without being in meetings, in a room with a client, freedom to travel and just being around people going about their daily lives. Don’t get me wrong it’s been great being in my little family of four, sharing moments I might usually miss being away working, the silly stuff and giggles over nothing. But they’ve seen me struggling too, especially these last few days when I decided over Easter that I wasn’t going to work, not even a quick peak at my emails or LinkedIn.

We are shaped

by our experiences and how we cope with them…

Walking around the garden this evening I realised how sad it is that to achieve and be successful my norm is never stopping, taking time to actually switch off and just let random stuff happen, enjoy moments and not plan. Usually tied to closely to screens, alerts and notifications, instead of letting go, dreaming big and enjoy the simple things. Even when I chose “simplicity” as my word of the year for 2020.

Will I win the lottery and take my family on amazing adventures while setting up the charity I’ve always wanted to explore – maybe not. But, can I turn this reflective space into working differently myself, being fresher, more responsive and available for my family and my clients? Of course I can.

Do I believe that out of this nightmare individuals can start different conversations, be braver and clearer about what is going on for them, so that others can relate to them in new ways – Yes, I do.

Is it possible to create a new normal, where people really explore what is possible and are not held back by old patterns and ways of working? Instead being open to experimenting, working at pace and learning from mistakes because they are willing to try things out - YES, I DO!

In all my years of helping managers, leaders and teams to have different conversations, to notice and be more aware of what is going on, I’ve never believed as much as I do now that we grow most out of challenge and conflict – that’s when things truly change.

So, I will continue to help as many people as possible in tough times, aiming to find some opportunity out of tragedy and let’s create a new normal where growth in new ways is possible!