Are we paying enough attention...for ourselves and others?

Let me be clear about my intent in sharing; it’s helpful for me to slow down and write, so maybe helpful for others which of course is open for you to decide.  Plus, I always try and practice what I believe - bringing the personal into the professional because Leadership - it’s personal!

The announcements and getting to grips in the UK with a complete mixture of hope with new vaccines, changes to advice, policy and now total lock-down again hit home, literally!  Bringing into collision for me:

  • Safety and my Year 11 daughter’s mental struggle with no mocks in January.  Having worked so hard to revise Jo jumps between relief of no exams and “of course they will be sensible in how they assess us for our GCSEs ” to “what if they don’t treat us fairly...this is my future!”

  • Everyone I work with and support facing relentless pressure like never before, coping as best as they can, yet often not taking the time to work through their own ‘shit’.  Or worse, not able or not wanting to ask for help, underestimating the damage or impact on themselves and others.

  • ‘Surviving’ through keeping going, problem solving and being practical.  Yes, we need to function, but it can mask us paying vital attention to what we are experiencing personally, the need to talk things out, or simply get some release!

  • I want to be responsive and available on screen to connect and work in-depth and at pace with people.  But the energy is different, and I experience the extremes of long but productive days where I know I’m making a difference, versus radio silence, feeling helpless and the true impact of isolation.

  • Then back round to my family and the yo-yo of emotions with my 17-year-old son who should be forging ahead with his plumbing apprenticeship but has had 10months with no employer. Sometimes he buys into my reassurance that things will be OK they will just take longer, alongside hours of him cutting off and retreating to his Xbox, which changes him!

All of which brings me to - so what?

Make time for you and connect with those who give you a little of what you need, often!

Make time for you and connect with those who give you a little of what you need, often!

It makes me think about all of the words and press around compassionate leadership and the importance for all of us in working out ‘what that actually means’!  And I’m not referring to the various models which are helpful and stimulate important conversations, but where to start with yourself?

 For me, I believe we need to:

  1. Notice our own reactions and when we are being ‘triggered’

  2. Make time for ourselves despite pressure; talking to someone/different people for a little of what we need but often.  Whether seeking advice and challenge or just someone to listen

  3. Not being beyond stripping things back to basics, exploring different ways of coming at what’s going on that help us to reflect on our practice and have greater impact

In essence trying to do all of this ‘stuff’ alone isn’t possible and isn’t kind to ourselves or others. I’m certainly not afraid to reach out or share, always work in progress!

Take care everyone and reach out if you need.

We Can Shift Our Negativity Bias

Heard on radio last week that humans have a negativity bias in the brain we are never taught about. BUT, with tips & know how we can trigger the happy chemicals that can really lift us & others. I knew about the 4 essential chemicals we need for health & happiness from friends who specialise in the science - but right now with everything going on I loved the reminder & simplicity of the message I heard:

Do something that gives you a sense of achievement;

Connect with someone important to me in whatever way possible at the moment &;

Find an act of kindness for someone which is witnessed, giving all of us a hit of happiness!

That’s my week ahead sorted, I’m in👍🏻 #bekind #lead #letsdothis #happiness

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With everything…

Anything that gives us a lift, raises a smile and feels good is worth it’s weight in gold!

Let’s make sure we don’t just go back to the way things were

Reflection into action

Stop…

Notice and use it!

Do you ever stop and take another look at things? No really stop and stand back, pull in a different perspective, maybe take things in and weigh things up afresh.

Not surprisingly at the moment, with everything going on I’ve seen a lot in the last few weeks on how people are coping; how to build resilience, in fact are people even ready to think about resilience? But a couple of conversations have inspired me not only to think deeper, but also to share with you and see where it takes you.

Earlier in the week I was talking to my friend Rob, and as usual we were sharing thoughts and how we were finding family and work life at the moment. From DIY jobs long overdue now started, to the reality of not going out and keeping risks low. Turns out we both had a very different take on my husband going to work as normal as a fireman. This part of the conversation really stopped me in my tracks, as to me it’s been his job for 27 years and a chance for Scott to get out of the house and experience some normality. While Rob saw this key worker role as heroic and years of putting himself at risk, only made harder by everything we are living through. How immune to risk had my normal become?

Then at the end of last week in conversation with a client, remaining nameless for obvious confidential reasons, we were having a very open and frank discussion about difficult working relationships and unhealthy behaviors within a team. We shared how hard it is to start such critical conversations essential to build and help the team, especially when everyone is ‘raw’ and struggling personally? Plus, we are seeing firsthand that everyone is finding things tough, while we don’t have time to waste, because responsiveness and pace of decision making and mobilisation are essential right now. Surely this needs to be the leveler and the door to open things up; put simply no one thinks things are working well enough right now; we need to think and respond differently. So, why not get into with the team what we find difficult and need to change! Would that not be a relief to start a conversation which genuinely acknowledges what is going on, then see how we build things from there?

Exploring what we are finding tough and making sure we don’t just mark time until the crisis level comes down and we “get back to BAU”. We are having to reach out and talk to people in new ways, get things moving and happening in days not months which could give opportunity for growth beyond the simplest notion of recovery.

Then, on what I thought was a completely separate note yesterday morning, we woke up on a blustery bank holiday to find half of the fence on our driveway more on next doors property than it should be. While making it safe, we got talking about future home improvements and then later in the day to our wistful thinking and flight of fancy lottery conversation – you know the one where you win just enough money to do all the things you would like to but not change our lives completely!?!

Most of the things on our list were the same by the time we had remodeled some of the house and fully landscaped the garden, including my new garden office and client entrance as lottery win or not, I couldn’t stop doing what I do because I love it. But in a quite moment last night as I took one last walk around the garden in the dusk, it brought all of these thoughts together and led me to write this article.

I’ve never realised until now, in this isolation and prolonged period of social distancing, just how bad I am at relaxing, and actually what I mean by relaxing and easing back. I’ve been like a fish out of water without being in meetings, in a room with a client, freedom to travel and just being around people going about their daily lives. Don’t get me wrong it’s been great being in my little family of four, sharing moments I might usually miss being away working, the silly stuff and giggles over nothing. But they’ve seen me struggling too, especially these last few days when I decided over Easter that I wasn’t going to work, not even a quick peak at my emails or LinkedIn.

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We are shaped

by our experiences and how we cope with them…

Walking around the garden this evening I realised how sad it is that to achieve and be successful my norm is never stopping, taking time to actually switch off and just let random stuff happen, enjoy moments and not plan. Usually tied to closely to screens, alerts and notifications, instead of letting go, dreaming big and enjoy the simple things. Even when I chose “simplicity” as my word of the year for 2020.

Will I win the lottery and take my family on amazing adventures while setting up the charity I’ve always wanted to explore – maybe not. But, can I turn this reflective space into working differently myself, being fresher, more responsive and available for my family and my clients? Of course I can.

Do I believe that out of this nightmare individuals can start different conversations, be braver and clearer about what is going on for them, so that others can relate to them in new ways – Yes, I do.

Is it possible to create a new normal, where people really explore what is possible and are not held back by old patterns and ways of working? Instead being open to experimenting, working at pace and learning from mistakes because they are willing to try things out - YES, I DO!

In all my years of helping managers, leaders and teams to have different conversations, to notice and be more aware of what is going on, I’ve never believed as much as I do now that we grow most out of challenge and conflict – that’s when things truly change.

So, I will continue to help as many people as possible in tough times, aiming to find some opportunity out of tragedy and let’s create a new normal where growth in new ways is possible!

6 years ago tragedy - yet learning the importance of finding what you need

I heard some really tough news from a good friend of mine this week, something I so wish he didn’t have to go through and it’s taken me back to 6 years ago almost to the day - like it was yesterday.

You need to look after you first…

You need to look after you first…

Less than a week before my 40th birthday, a routine cancer checkup for my mother turned our world upside down.  It was to be the toughest 5 months imaginable as I watched her gradually loose her fight, never really speaking about the unthinkable or seeking out support personally, even though it was all around me.

I’ve always been so practical, coping with everything and looking after everyone no matter what life threw at me.  And this was no exception with work, home, friends and family all my priority...keeping busy and doing what needed to be done.

BUT, and it’s a big ‘but’, even in small ways some of my biggest learning and growth personally has come out of going through difficulty and tragedy.  I am blessed in so many ways with a wonderful family, amazing friends and some great colleagues - but in the work that I do, I’ve learnt how important it is to make time for myself, do things I enjoy and that make me smile.

The number of times recently I’ve experienced others wanting to find solutions, tackle things head on or simply survive - especially when they cannot affect change in, or for others.  So finding a moment of kindness for yourself is vital for your resilience!

The bad stuff doesn’t go away, it’s definitely still there, and it’s not about needing to get into deep reflection to examine why I’m feeling or reacting badly - but an escape for a few hours, a distraction and doing something fun or different really can be just what you need.

For me it’s taking myself off somewhere, even if surrounded by people but not with people.  Or doing something for me that is a bit out of the ordinary, trying something new but not telling anyone until afterwards, if I want to share.

6 years ago I went physical and branded myself, literally.  A Gecko loses his tail to survive a predator, to live another day, but grows it back again and therefore is a symbol of regeneration. So this weekend I did just that, took myself off and refueled, spent a lot of time outside.

Now I’m ready to take part, to bring it for the coming week - what will give you a personal lift and energy for the coming week no matter what you are facing?

#leadershipitspersonal

How do you create space that works for you?

In my work with individuals and teams in different sectors, professions and all manner of settings - I cannot help notice how big an impact the environment has on effectiveness and resilience!

Yet how often do we stop and notice what’s working for us and what’s not?

Is our office, diary and time during the week fixed or is it simply the way we’ve been working for a long time; habit and automatic?

Instead, what if we take a moment to notice what makes us feel great, what matters and where we’d actually like to spend a bit of time doing something specific. Maybe responding to emails, drafting a key document or making a few calls. Of course you cannot just change everything up - meet clients at the beach or not spend any time commuting, in traffic…

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What refreshes you?

Even when you are not on holiday to recharge…

But we can introduce some variety, some pit stops and places that help us feel energised, productive and inspired. It really doesn’t have to be complicated or ‘out there’ either. Simply a cafe you like or a space that takes you away from the norm. For me this morning it’s a coffee and breakfast 20 minutes from home before the hustle and bustle of the day starts and I need to be around for others.

What does matter is that you don’t need to be on a beach sipping a cocktail or beer to grab some relaxation and a much needed energy boost. Find what works for you and create those moments that make a difference in your week. You might even notice an instant shift as well as longer term benefit in a fast paced and pressured world we live in.

As Featured in Brilliant Businesses

Really great to be featured in Brilliant Businesses alongside some amazing local people and companies in Kent. All of us hoping to show what drives us and how we work, of course with the aim of finding new clients and great people to work with.

I hope my passion for helping you be the best and get the best our of your people AND enjoying what you do comes through? To read more just follow the link to find me and others - we are here waiting for you

https://www.brilliantbusinesses.biz/story/cheryl-brooker-cheryl-brooker

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HPMA August Newsletter Article - VAR for Leaders

Changing conversations about the more personal side of leadership was the focus of the interactive session in June I delivered with James Devine, at the HPMA National Conference.

After a powerful session where some of our HR colleagues and eminent leaders shared what makes them vulnerable, I was asked to write a brief article for the August Newsletter.

We have so many great development and OD projects going on nationally at any given time; national and local programmes of development and qualifications that can be followed. But sometimes, it’s important to stay closer to home and focus on yourself, how you operate and what triggers you day to day especially under pressure.

I believe there is space out there for some new ways of developing and challenging leadership behaviour that starts with who you are and what makes you you!

This is self-awareness with the dial turned right up! But it takes trust and curiosity to explore and make it count - for increased impact, influence and relationships that create possibilities.

To read the full article (alongside some great contributions and updates from across the HPMA network) follow this link or get get in touch:

https://lnkd.in/e85U7F2

Changing the conversations leaders have

Changing the conversations leaders have

Video series introducing VAR for Leaders

Getting leaders to stop, and think about how they are operating is a big part of what I do. It doesn’t matter whether you are an Owner Manager or a CEO of a larger organisation - this is the ‘stuff’ that really makes a difference if you dare to explore with someone who will challenge you.
This video series aims to spark interest and intrigue - but only a conversation will tune into what’s a priority and opportunity for you right now. I’d love to hear from you because Leadership - It’s Personal!

Watch episode 1 now - it might spark something for you?

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=F2uDg9TZY9M

Activities with your team as well as personally REALLY change impact and influence

Activities with your team as well as personally REALLY change impact and influence

C&C Search January Event - Getting to Know Me

I had the pleasure last week of being the host and guest speaker at C&C Search in London. Their first C&C Event of the year, inviting and bringing together clients - creating curiosity and adding value to their many recruitment clients. Great to be part of such energy and buzz in the room.

My focus as ever was exploring the personal side of leadership, the emotional interplay we experience which influences how we influence and impact others and their reactions towards us; helping to find our own unique Leadership Blueprint.

Before the event day arrived , C&C put me through my paces to get to know me better, and this is what I shared with them and I’m happy to share with you…

Because Leadership, It’s Personal

Because Leadership, It’s Personal

We need to take time to invest in our own leadership

People fascinate and inspire me and, in a world where pressure and change is so fast and everything so immediate, I’m convinced that if we make time and invest in our own leadership, as much as every other aspect of our work and lives, the possibilities are exciting!

 It’s worth taking risks

The common thread in my career is a simple desire to work with people. I left a senior role in the NHS as Deputy Director of HR to create my own business.  That was 10 years ago now. I still support and work with many amazing leaders and teams, on projects within healthcare, industry and elite sport.

Leadership is personal

In my talk I share how an event, seven years ago, opened up a new world for me; a different perspective on leadership.  I truly believe not only that leadership is personal; leadership is who you are!

If we are to have true impact and influence that gets results, qualities such authenticity, vulnerability, resilience and emotional intelligence require us to invest in our self-awareness and self-leadership.

Together we will find out how exploring your own unique patterns, those that work for you and those that hold you back, can take your leadership to a whole new level.

Keep things simple

I honestly think keeping things simple is the secret to success. It helps me tune into what’s going on for me and at the same time, what’s going on for others around me.  It’s not money that makes the world go round, it’s relationships and our ability to interact well with others.

 Surround yourself with great people

As women in business, we need to explore and find good people to have around us, who you can talk with and build different relationships with.  Stay open to any conversation, any feedback or opportunity that will help, challenge and inspire you just when you need it or even when you don’t know you need it.

 Work-life balance is about collaboration

For me, work-life balance is about openness and collaboration. My passion for work and developing others going hand in hand with my passion for my family. The teamwork we have making sure I don’t try and do everything myself, because I simply couldn’t do what I do without their blessing and support.

 I recommend Brené Brown’s Dare To Lead…

One of my latest finds is Brené Brown’s latest Dare To Lead, taking you into “Brave work; Tough Conversations and Whole Hearts.

 2019 is an exciting year for me

I’m taking my new branding and personal approach to developing leaders out into the world, opening up the possibilities of new conversations and adventures. Closer to home, my two teenagers keep mine and my husband’s feet firmly on the ground, observing and supporting them as they negotiate and find their own way in the world

Speaking at Kent CIPD Conference 2018

What an honour to be one of the speakers at this gathering of forward thinking CIPD HR colleagues and professionals. So much learning packed into the day, alongside the all important networking with colleagues you’ve not seen in so long alongside some wonderful new contacts.

I had the pleasure of taking an interactive taster workshop - exploring that leaders with impact, influence and authenticity are more than self-aware; they know and can tune into what drives them and what triggers them, especially under pressure when it counts the most.

We explored how powerful such patterns of behaviour can be. With such a buzz in the room and the feedback afterwards, I know that’s a group of colleagues who are going to be noticing their interactions and reactions in new ways.

Plus, I even broke my no cameras rule and created my first promotional video after 25 years of speaking and facilitating. So thank you to my Kent CIPD colleagues for such a wonderful event and I look forward to seeing many of you soon.

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Kent CIPD

The Evolution of HR November 2018